Inept Democrats
If the Democrats nominate Hillary in 2008, I think we should officially declare the party dead and bring back the Bullmooses (Hell yeah Teddy Roosevelt, and we could have neat hats and a mascot and everything). Not that I hate Hillary, I like her just fine, but she WON’T WIN. I want the Dems to do one of two things, (1) officially give up on ever winning another important election and just nominate someone who really stands for what the party believes in (if anyone knows what the Democrats believe in, I’m sure they’d love to hear it) or (2) nominate someone who stands a snowball’s chance in hell.
Here’s why Hillary cannot win: she has no dick. Balls she has, but no dick (insert obligatory Bill joke here). But maybe I’m wrong about that, maybe that right-wing majority that’s been doing the voting would elect a woman. Maybe they’d set aside their anti-choice, pro-war throwback to the 50s mentality and elect someone most of them would probably rather see in the kitchen. Maybe a woman could win, after all 52 percent of the country is female. We’ll ignore the fact that women all hate each other, so none of them will vote for Hillary. Maybe she could win. Here’s why she won’t.
Of the last 5 men elected president, 4 were governors before their nomination (the fifth, Bush I, was VP and head of the CIA before that). The last 4 Senators nominated for the presidency have all gotten their asses kicked (McGovern, Mondale, Dole, and Kerry). People do not like Senators. In fact the last guy to get elected out of the senate was JFK, and that’s just because he was adorable.
Of the last 5 men elected president, 4 were from the south (the fifth, Reagan, was from California, maybe SoCal, I don’t know). Now I realize Hillary was the First Lady of Arkansas (that’s a title she must be very proud of), but right now she’s a New Yorker, and you know she’ll play that up in the campaign for the terrorist angle. While Northerners don’t mind voting for Southerners, Southerners hate Yankees. I suppose it comes from having their ass kicked in the Civil War. The last 4 Northerners to run (Ford, Mondale, Dukakis and Kerry again) all got destroyed by people from farther south.
In fact, all this raises a good question: WHY THE HELL DID THEY NOMINATE KERRY? Seriously, I still cannot wrap my mind around this. They nominated a Senator from Massachusetts? Did they not see the Liberal Washington Insider card getting played? Was that a big surprise? Didn’t Al Sharpton stand a better chance of winning than John Kerry?
But 4 years later, I dread they’ll make the same mistake again, only this time with a female liberal Senator from New York. I mean, the Democratic Party does have political strategists working for it right? They can see what will happen can’t they? Let me say this as plainly as I can:
NOMINATE A SOUTHERN GOVERNOR. I don’t care who he is, but I know there are a few democrats running states down there, nominate one of them. It really doesn’t matter who he is, just so long as his IQ is above 85 and he can keep his dick in his pants and he wasn’t once a B-movie actor. Wait…no it really doesn’t matter who he is. If he was the Governor of Alabama, this country would elect Charles Manson. Although he might be a republican come to think of it.
(originally written July 13th)
Politics
Here’s why Hillary cannot win: she has no dick. Balls she has, but no dick (insert obligatory Bill joke here). But maybe I’m wrong about that, maybe that right-wing majority that’s been doing the voting would elect a woman. Maybe they’d set aside their anti-choice, pro-war throwback to the 50s mentality and elect someone most of them would probably rather see in the kitchen. Maybe a woman could win, after all 52 percent of the country is female. We’ll ignore the fact that women all hate each other, so none of them will vote for Hillary. Maybe she could win. Here’s why she won’t.
Of the last 5 men elected president, 4 were governors before their nomination (the fifth, Bush I, was VP and head of the CIA before that). The last 4 Senators nominated for the presidency have all gotten their asses kicked (McGovern, Mondale, Dole, and Kerry). People do not like Senators. In fact the last guy to get elected out of the senate was JFK, and that’s just because he was adorable.
Of the last 5 men elected president, 4 were from the south (the fifth, Reagan, was from California, maybe SoCal, I don’t know). Now I realize Hillary was the First Lady of Arkansas (that’s a title she must be very proud of), but right now she’s a New Yorker, and you know she’ll play that up in the campaign for the terrorist angle. While Northerners don’t mind voting for Southerners, Southerners hate Yankees. I suppose it comes from having their ass kicked in the Civil War. The last 4 Northerners to run (Ford, Mondale, Dukakis and Kerry again) all got destroyed by people from farther south.
In fact, all this raises a good question: WHY THE HELL DID THEY NOMINATE KERRY? Seriously, I still cannot wrap my mind around this. They nominated a Senator from Massachusetts? Did they not see the Liberal Washington Insider card getting played? Was that a big surprise? Didn’t Al Sharpton stand a better chance of winning than John Kerry?
But 4 years later, I dread they’ll make the same mistake again, only this time with a female liberal Senator from New York. I mean, the Democratic Party does have political strategists working for it right? They can see what will happen can’t they? Let me say this as plainly as I can:
NOMINATE A SOUTHERN GOVERNOR. I don’t care who he is, but I know there are a few democrats running states down there, nominate one of them. It really doesn’t matter who he is, just so long as his IQ is above 85 and he can keep his dick in his pants and he wasn’t once a B-movie actor. Wait…no it really doesn’t matter who he is. If he was the Governor of Alabama, this country would elect Charles Manson. Although he might be a republican come to think of it.
(originally written July 13th)
Politics
posted by drs at 5:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home