Chewbacca, what a wookie, among other things
Fun fact o’ the day my friends: A new study suggests that as many as 1 out of every 25 fathers might be unknowingly raising a child who is not their own.
I like this idea because I have 25 people I’d call close friends, and that means one of them might not actually be their dad’s kid. In all seriousness though, these stats are probably inflated, while paternal discrepancy (yes they have a name for it other than “your mother is a whore”) surely occurs, I find it hard to believe that 4% of the country is unwittingly bathing another man’s child (at least I hope so or we’re a bunch of pedophiles). In fact the article I read admitted that in studies done between 1950 and now the estimates have ranged from less than one percent to 30%. Which is a slight margin of error. Statistically speaking that means the correct answer might actually be in the negatives (it could happen…if not only were there no fathers unwittingly raising another man’s child, but the supposed bastards of the world were actually being raised by the correct men).
Anyway, I’ve been writing about politics a lot recently, so I figured I’d just blather about inanity for a little while, so here are some of the things I’ve been thinking about recently.
I’d first like to share my belief that John Cusack is the solution to all heartbreak. By which I don’t mean like having John Cusack over for tea, although that would be pretty kickass. I mean JC’s movies (and yes I’m going to go right ahead and call him JC, because John and I are tight like that). Anyway, you start off with one of two options: Pushing Tin if you’re in full out losing your mind complete breakdown as a human being and Grosse Point Blank if you’re just kind of upset and a little in the woods. Then you transition to High Fidelity to alleviate the whole “never-ending string of crappy relationships” trauma, plus you got Jack Black to cheer you up there. Finally you close with Say Anything, simply the sweetest most hopeful romantic movie ever. If Lloyd Dobbler can’t renew your faith either in yourself (if you’re a dude) or in men (if you’re a chick) then you are simply fucked.
And maybe watch Con Air afterwards, just cause that’s a great flick.
Okay, also I’d like to explain to those who might be unaware that Chewbacca is an elf. I know that sounds like a weird thing to say, but bear with me on this. You first have to understand that Star Wars is fantasy, not sci-fi. Think about it, sci-fi involves using science to examine society and the human race and the greater questions in life. Fantasy is about magic and beasts and colossal battles between good and evil. Star Wars is clearly the second of those options. Given then that SW is a fantasy story, it should be obvious that Chewbacca is an elf. He’s lanky, comes from a forest planet, uses a bow as his weapon…that’s an elf. I am convinced that if you shaved Chewie down he’d look exactly like Legolas.
Speaking of Legolas, why can he walk on snow in the first Lord of the Rings movie? Is this explained in the books? Are elves hollow? I get that he’s supposed to be all “one-with-the environment” but that doesn’t mean the laws of physics don’t apply to him.
In the solitary sports reference I will allow myself this post (I’m desperately trying not to let myself turn this into a summary of the Sports Guy page), Todd Bertuzzi was reinstated earlier this week. No joke here: Not only should Bertuzzi never play in the NHL again, he should be in jail right now. He assaulted a guy, plain and simple.
Okay one more sports story, a kid jumped off the upper deck at Yankee stadium into the net behind home plate…Right about now, I bet his father’s hoping there was a case of paternal discrepancy.
(originally written August 11th)
I like this idea because I have 25 people I’d call close friends, and that means one of them might not actually be their dad’s kid. In all seriousness though, these stats are probably inflated, while paternal discrepancy (yes they have a name for it other than “your mother is a whore”) surely occurs, I find it hard to believe that 4% of the country is unwittingly bathing another man’s child (at least I hope so or we’re a bunch of pedophiles). In fact the article I read admitted that in studies done between 1950 and now the estimates have ranged from less than one percent to 30%. Which is a slight margin of error. Statistically speaking that means the correct answer might actually be in the negatives (it could happen…if not only were there no fathers unwittingly raising another man’s child, but the supposed bastards of the world were actually being raised by the correct men).
Anyway, I’ve been writing about politics a lot recently, so I figured I’d just blather about inanity for a little while, so here are some of the things I’ve been thinking about recently.
I’d first like to share my belief that John Cusack is the solution to all heartbreak. By which I don’t mean like having John Cusack over for tea, although that would be pretty kickass. I mean JC’s movies (and yes I’m going to go right ahead and call him JC, because John and I are tight like that). Anyway, you start off with one of two options: Pushing Tin if you’re in full out losing your mind complete breakdown as a human being and Grosse Point Blank if you’re just kind of upset and a little in the woods. Then you transition to High Fidelity to alleviate the whole “never-ending string of crappy relationships” trauma, plus you got Jack Black to cheer you up there. Finally you close with Say Anything, simply the sweetest most hopeful romantic movie ever. If Lloyd Dobbler can’t renew your faith either in yourself (if you’re a dude) or in men (if you’re a chick) then you are simply fucked.
And maybe watch Con Air afterwards, just cause that’s a great flick.
Okay, also I’d like to explain to those who might be unaware that Chewbacca is an elf. I know that sounds like a weird thing to say, but bear with me on this. You first have to understand that Star Wars is fantasy, not sci-fi. Think about it, sci-fi involves using science to examine society and the human race and the greater questions in life. Fantasy is about magic and beasts and colossal battles between good and evil. Star Wars is clearly the second of those options. Given then that SW is a fantasy story, it should be obvious that Chewbacca is an elf. He’s lanky, comes from a forest planet, uses a bow as his weapon…that’s an elf. I am convinced that if you shaved Chewie down he’d look exactly like Legolas.
Speaking of Legolas, why can he walk on snow in the first Lord of the Rings movie? Is this explained in the books? Are elves hollow? I get that he’s supposed to be all “one-with-the environment” but that doesn’t mean the laws of physics don’t apply to him.
In the solitary sports reference I will allow myself this post (I’m desperately trying not to let myself turn this into a summary of the Sports Guy page), Todd Bertuzzi was reinstated earlier this week. No joke here: Not only should Bertuzzi never play in the NHL again, he should be in jail right now. He assaulted a guy, plain and simple.
Okay one more sports story, a kid jumped off the upper deck at Yankee stadium into the net behind home plate…Right about now, I bet his father’s hoping there was a case of paternal discrepancy.
(originally written August 11th)
posted by drs at 5:32 PM
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