Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Robots with Laser Rifles

Well, first off, you may have noticed a few changes here at the FMRC. We put in a swanky new logo. We added a search function for the blog through technorati, as well as a couple of links and Google's AdSense (although, at the moment, the blog gets mainly adds about Jesus. You know us at FMRC, we're HUUUUUUGE Jesus freaks. Especially Scott Baio).

Also, from now on, blog posts will have a "Category" link at the bottom of the post. In a strictly hypothetical sense, you could clikc on this link and it would give you a list of recent posts from other Blogs on a similar category. More though, this is in an attempt to triple my readership (from 2 to 6), by allowing Technorati users to find my posts via these "tags", as the cool Technorati kids call them.

One final note before I get on to the meat of this post, I wanted to let you know, for those who hadn't heard, the shocking news. The story broke last week, and frankly, I was shocked. I damn near fainted. Lance Bass, of N*SYNC fame, is a homosexual.

That's right, you heard me correctly: Lance Bass likes dudes. I'll give you a moment to deal with the astonishment.


Okay, now that you've all fully recovered from that amazing revelation, and we've got the administrative bullshit out of the way, I'm happy to say that I've got just one day left at my current job, which means: MORE POSTS SOON.

I hope, over the next few months, to try to get into a "once a week" rhythm with the blog. Over/Under on how long that lasts? One week.

Still, I'm a little bummed to be leaving my job, which is working to get a Democrat elected to the House of Reps, as most of my loyal readers know (and by most I mean 1 and a half...one of them has multiple personality disorder, and while Roberta knows, Samuel has no idea who I am, just that his ass usually hurts on Wednesdays).

(Umm...excuse me? -ed.)

Nothing. I said nothing. As I was saying, I've spent the summer trying to get a Dem elected, I'll refrain from saying who, primarily because his name is tricky to spell. Anyway, I never felt particularly good about working for a Democrat, and one of the reasons why is their ridiculously futile insistence on keeping Social Security as is. For those who like Social Security, allow me to explain why your opinion is wrong.

Here's how Social Security works: Back when all our grandparents were kids, the government realized they had no money. So they went to our grandparents and said "Hey look, you're not very good with money, so why don't you give us some of your money and we'll hold onto it for you, and then give it back to you when you get old." And our grandparents, because they were stupid, thought that sounded like a good idea. So they all gave the government a little bit of their money. The Government then went off and bought a bunch of cool stuff with the money, radios... Rolls Royces... tanks... things of this nature.

A while later out grandparents got old and annoying and started demanding the money that they had coming to them. Since the government had already spent it all, they went around to our parents and said "Hey look, you're not very good with money, so why don't you give us some of your money and we'll hold onto it for you, and then give it back to you when you get old." And our parents, because they were stupid, thought that sounded like a good idea. This time the governemnt took a whole bunch of money, so they could gave half to our grandparents, and then still buy really cool things, Such as televisions... Corvettes... intercontinental ballistic missiles...things of this nature.

Problem is, eventually our parents will also get old and irritating (for some of us it's already happening), and they're going to want their money back. Then the government is going to come to us, and say "Hey look, you're not very good with money, so why don't you give us some of your money and we'll hold onto it for you, and then give it back to you when you get old." And we're going to say yes, because we have poor pattern recognition skills, because our elementary school teachers always skipped math when other activities ran long.

But here's the thing, the government's going to need to take an assload of money. Because (a) they already owe our parents a bunch of money and (b) they still want to buy really cool stuff. Only now they're going to want to buy computers... space vessels... killer androids with heat-seeking lasers, things of this nature. And I don't know if you've priced killer androids with heat-seeking lasers recently, but let me tell you they cost a pretty penny (probably has something to do with not existing yet).

Anyway, I don't know about you guys, but I don't really plan on making enough money to buy the government a bunch Terminators (at least not unless you all start clicking on the ads for Jesus Ringtones a lot more).

And that, my friends, is why Democrats are wrong (for why Republicans are wrong, see The George W. Bush Administration).

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Harvey Morrison said...

The Social Security scam is going to turn millions of Democrats into republicans when the reality of the scam hits them in the face.

1:59 PM  

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