Sign, Sign, Everywhere a sign
Driving along the other day I passed the following road sign:
"Drive Carefully: Blind Child in the Area"
Along the same lines, I have a friend who lives in a neighborhood which has a similar sign only for a deaf child.
These signs lead me to the following conclusion: It is apparently just fine to drive like a crazy bastard if all of the children in the area have decent eyesight and hearing abilities. Cause if those kids don't get out of my way, it's their own damn fault. Maybe if you can see and hear so damn perfectly you should have seen or heard my car Little Johnny.
As if I would be driving down the road, see a child playing in the street and say, "Eh, no need to break, I'm sure he'll hear my car coming...oh wait, wasn't there a sign saying a deaf kid was in the area?" I like to think that most drivers just try to avoid kids to be on the safe side.
Of course, these signs are just a few among many of wonderful road signs. One of my personal favorites: No Drunk Driving.
And thank God that sign exists. Cause I was driving down Grand River once, about to crack open a fifth of tequila and guzzle it down behind the wheel. But then I saw a No Drunk Driving sign and realized that wasn't allowed on this road. Which is very unusual, because most of the roads I drive on are just fine with drinking and driving. But apparently Grand River doesn't alow that.
A No Drunk Driving sign on a street is like having a No Arson sign on your house. It's like having a Please Don't Rape Me in the Ass sign on your chest.
Actually...you'd probably want that sign on your back.
There's everyone's old favorite, the "Prison in Area: Don't pick up hitchhikers." That's a reassuring sign isn't it? I think I'd rather the sign read like this:
"Prison in Area: Feel gree to pick up all the hitchhiker's you like though, cause we got bars and walls and shit, and we keep those fuckers locked up good."
And wonderful road signs aren't limited to the US. In Canada, there's a whole variety of road signs that read like this:
"Drinking And Driving Kills: Stay Sober"
"Fatigue Kills: Take a Break"
"Tailgating Kills: Leave Some Space"
And you need that second line, cause if you just told me that Tailgating Kills that would leave me with questions. Is that a bad thing? Cause I'm only going to kill people who are driving too slowly, and won't that benefit us all in the long run?
But when you tell me to Leave Some Space, then I understand. Tailgating Kills, AND Canada would rather I not kill people. Without that second line, it's a little ambiguous.
Finally there's the "Kill a construction worker: 15 years in prison + $7500 fine." Is there anyone on the planet who is undettered by 15 years in prison, but couldn't handle that $7500 fine? Cause if so, they need to get into a line of work that pays them slightly more than five hundred bucks a year. Plus, do we really need to make it explicitly clear that if you run someone over, that's a very bad thing? Is the penalty not as bad if I hit a pedestrian? What if the pedestrian happens to be a construction worker, but isn't working at the time?
And what about if the pedestrian is a neural surgeon, or a nuclear engineer? Is the fine higher, since economically speaking those people are more valuable?
But nothing will ever take the place of my favorite sign. It was a billboard, in central Michigan. The billboard advertised for an Amish craft store somewhere in the area. In the upper corner of the billboard was the following:
www.amishcrafts.com
"Drive Carefully: Blind Child in the Area"
Along the same lines, I have a friend who lives in a neighborhood which has a similar sign only for a deaf child.
These signs lead me to the following conclusion: It is apparently just fine to drive like a crazy bastard if all of the children in the area have decent eyesight and hearing abilities. Cause if those kids don't get out of my way, it's their own damn fault. Maybe if you can see and hear so damn perfectly you should have seen or heard my car Little Johnny.
As if I would be driving down the road, see a child playing in the street and say, "Eh, no need to break, I'm sure he'll hear my car coming...oh wait, wasn't there a sign saying a deaf kid was in the area?" I like to think that most drivers just try to avoid kids to be on the safe side.
Of course, these signs are just a few among many of wonderful road signs. One of my personal favorites: No Drunk Driving.
And thank God that sign exists. Cause I was driving down Grand River once, about to crack open a fifth of tequila and guzzle it down behind the wheel. But then I saw a No Drunk Driving sign and realized that wasn't allowed on this road. Which is very unusual, because most of the roads I drive on are just fine with drinking and driving. But apparently Grand River doesn't alow that.
A No Drunk Driving sign on a street is like having a No Arson sign on your house. It's like having a Please Don't Rape Me in the Ass sign on your chest.
Actually...you'd probably want that sign on your back.
There's everyone's old favorite, the "Prison in Area: Don't pick up hitchhikers." That's a reassuring sign isn't it? I think I'd rather the sign read like this:
"Prison in Area: Feel gree to pick up all the hitchhiker's you like though, cause we got bars and walls and shit, and we keep those fuckers locked up good."
And wonderful road signs aren't limited to the US. In Canada, there's a whole variety of road signs that read like this:
"Drinking And Driving Kills: Stay Sober"
"Fatigue Kills: Take a Break"
"Tailgating Kills: Leave Some Space"
And you need that second line, cause if you just told me that Tailgating Kills that would leave me with questions. Is that a bad thing? Cause I'm only going to kill people who are driving too slowly, and won't that benefit us all in the long run?
But when you tell me to Leave Some Space, then I understand. Tailgating Kills, AND Canada would rather I not kill people. Without that second line, it's a little ambiguous.
Finally there's the "Kill a construction worker: 15 years in prison + $7500 fine." Is there anyone on the planet who is undettered by 15 years in prison, but couldn't handle that $7500 fine? Cause if so, they need to get into a line of work that pays them slightly more than five hundred bucks a year. Plus, do we really need to make it explicitly clear that if you run someone over, that's a very bad thing? Is the penalty not as bad if I hit a pedestrian? What if the pedestrian happens to be a construction worker, but isn't working at the time?
And what about if the pedestrian is a neural surgeon, or a nuclear engineer? Is the fine higher, since economically speaking those people are more valuable?
But nothing will ever take the place of my favorite sign. It was a billboard, in central Michigan. The billboard advertised for an Amish craft store somewhere in the area. In the upper corner of the billboard was the following:
www.amishcrafts.com
posted by drs at 12:27 PM
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