The Datesume
In the past couple of months I’ve been both (a) going on a number of first dates and (b) going on a number of job interviews. As has been frequently noted by any number of people, the two have a great deal in common. And the similarities have led me to what I believe is an intriguing concept that we should implement as soon as possible: the dating resume.
Basically a dating resume would include all the useful information that you want to know about your date in a clear and concise format. Just like a work resume, the dating resume would allow you to quickly make decisions about who is and is not qualified for the position (or perhaps multiple positions…what an old, lame joke. I wouldn’t even make it, but I’m contractually obligated as a licensed humorist to make that pun in this particular situation).
The following is a sampling of information the dating resume could include.
Objective: We’ve all been in relationships where, after a while, we realized that the other person just isn’t looking for the same thing we are. Maybe they’re not really ready for a long-term commitment right now. Or maybe they’re waaay too ready for one. The objective part of the DateSume™ would allow potential couples to immediately check if they’re both looking for something long-term, casual dating, maybe just casual sex and someone to snuggle with… or maybe just rough kinky sex after which you throw your partner out of your apartment. The point is, they could both be on the same page.
Past Experience: Let’s face it, it can be awkward figuring out exactly what everyone has and has not done before, especially in the bedroom. Rather than facing the risky “try-it-and-see-if-you-get-yelled-at-or-not” phase of the relationship, the Past Experience section allows partners to lay out all of their previous relationships along with what responsibilities they performed in them. Further, partners could highlight responsibilities they particularly enjoyed or did not enjoy having. (Please note, the makers of DateSume™ do not recommend divulging past experiences that may be potentially frightening to new partners.)
Recommendations: But the fact of the matter is, anybody can just lie to make himself or herself sound better. The true test of someone’s character is can they convince other people to lie to make them sound better as well. A letter of recommendation from a past significant other, a congressman you slept with once, or a cousin who has funny feelings about you could ease your new partner’s worries about you.
Basically a dating resume would include all the useful information that you want to know about your date in a clear and concise format. Just like a work resume, the dating resume would allow you to quickly make decisions about who is and is not qualified for the position (or perhaps multiple positions…what an old, lame joke. I wouldn’t even make it, but I’m contractually obligated as a licensed humorist to make that pun in this particular situation).
The following is a sampling of information the dating resume could include.
Objective: We’ve all been in relationships where, after a while, we realized that the other person just isn’t looking for the same thing we are. Maybe they’re not really ready for a long-term commitment right now. Or maybe they’re waaay too ready for one. The objective part of the DateSume™ would allow potential couples to immediately check if they’re both looking for something long-term, casual dating, maybe just casual sex and someone to snuggle with… or maybe just rough kinky sex after which you throw your partner out of your apartment. The point is, they could both be on the same page.
Past Experience: Let’s face it, it can be awkward figuring out exactly what everyone has and has not done before, especially in the bedroom. Rather than facing the risky “try-it-and-see-if-you-get-yelled-at-or-not” phase of the relationship, the Past Experience section allows partners to lay out all of their previous relationships along with what responsibilities they performed in them. Further, partners could highlight responsibilities they particularly enjoyed or did not enjoy having. (Please note, the makers of DateSume™ do not recommend divulging past experiences that may be potentially frightening to new partners.)
Recommendations: But the fact of the matter is, anybody can just lie to make himself or herself sound better. The true test of someone’s character is can they convince other people to lie to make them sound better as well. A letter of recommendation from a past significant other, a congressman you slept with once, or a cousin who has funny feelings about you could ease your new partner’s worries about you.
Labels: dating, humor, relationships
posted by drs at 6:31 PM
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