Christmas Post
This is the first post to be written directly on the Blogsite, which is kind of exciting for us here at the FMRC. And you might be asking yourself "what's this 'us' shit white man?" to which I have three responses:
1. My aren't you quite the racist.
2. The line is "what's this we shit" not "what's this us shit"
3. This us shit is the introduction of a new character...persona...role (schizophrenic delusion that exists only in your mind -ed.)
Well there he is folks, Ed. Ed is not, as others have previously assumed, an editor of any sort, so sorry if you thought for a moment that the language on these things might be brought all the way to the seventh grade level or so.
And since this is a very special Christmas Rambling...err a very special Holiday Rambling...Seasonal Rambling...Wintertime Rambling...Rambling that is in no way associated with the birth of Christ, especially since all reliable historical evidence suggests that it would have been summer when he was born.
Anyway, since it's a special Rambling that happens to come near December 25th, I think we all know what the introduction of a new character means (the ramblings have jumped the shark? -ed.) No, it means that Ed will do something incredibly short-sighted and stupid that completely ruins the holiday (Long Island Egg Nog seemed like such a good idea at the time -ed.) and then we'll have to be worried that there won't be any Christmas...but wait! Scott Baio's here to save Christmas! (wow special guest star...we must have gotten a budget increase -ed.) (not really, I'm Scott Baio, I'm working for a can of cheese whiz and an old boot. What the fuck else do I have to do? It was either appear in this Rambling or spend Christmas with a hooker -Scott Baio) (we can't do both? -ed.)
You see kids, that's your brain on two weeks worth of finals and marketing projects. Now drugs don't look so bad do they? (I've got some H if you want any -Scott Baio) (now who's in charge Charles? The drugs are, that's who -ed.)
Anyway, before I get into my thoughts on the holiday season, I wanted to mention that I went to put air in my tire today and was met with a dreadful surprise. Air now costs 50 cents everywhere I went. What the fuck? It's air. I have to pay for air? Is there an air shortage driving prices up that I wasn't aware of? Keep in mind, it's not oxygen, you might have a hard time getting oxygen, it's FUCKING AIR.
Okay, enough Bah Humbugery for one X-mas post. Here are my X-mas thoughts for the day:
1. X-mas sounds like a way more badass holiday than Christmas. "What'd you get for Christmas Billy?" "I got an action figure." "What'd you get for X-mas Zebediah?" "I got a flame thrower." Notice that the child who celebrates X-mas not only got a better present, but a better name too. (plus he's amish apparently, so the flame thrower is a manual, not an automatic. Automatic flame throwers are for pussies -ed.)
2. I know I already mentioned this, but I think WNIC needs to cut back on how early they start the Christmas music. I love Christmas music (although I find the worst Christmas songs get played the most), but fucking hell people. You played Christmas music starting Nov 1. That means you played it for two whole months. That means 16% of what you played this year was Christmas music. Motherfucker.
3. Typing these on my parents' computer is really fucking annoying, because it keeps pausing so I don't see what I typed for like three seconds.
4. I hate to weigh in on the Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays debate, because the Daily Show has done so much material on it these past few weeks. But I do have this thought about it. I'm Christian...well I celebrate Christmas anyway...so this is total speculation (you're not Jewish? -ed.) No, I was baptized Catholic. (are you sure? You look pretty Jewish to me -ed.) No, I'm not sure; it's possible I am an Irish Jew. Of which there are zero. Anyway, I celebrate X-mas, so I can't be sure, but I think if I didn't that the phrase Happy Holidays would annoy me more than Merry Christmas.
Because while Merry Christmas could be interpreted to be this arrogant assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas, Happy Holidays seems worse to me. Because that phrase seems to suggest that your holidays are all basically the same as Christmas, so since they fall near it we'll just lump them all in together and act like they're a package deal. And my response to that would be "Fuck you, my holiday isn't some Christmas add-on".
Of course all that being said, anyone who gets offended when someone else wishes them (essentially) happiness and good cheer, whatever the words might be, has a lump of coal for a heart. So sucks to be them.
4. And last but not least, there was a comment in Lore Sjoberg's lorebrandcomics that I enjoyed and wanted to share. And the poll this thing refers to is an actual Newsweek poll. You can go check out the comic yourself (I recommend both the comics and the Book of Ratings both of which can be found at slumbering.lungfish.com) but the visuals are unimportant (just a dude standing there).
The text is as follows:
"A Newsweek poll found that 67 percent of all Americans believe in the virgin birth of Jesus and 82 percent believe that Jesus is the Son of God."
"..."
"So fifteen percent believe that God came down and fucked the living shit out of Mary."
And on that pleasant thought, I'll close this post. Have a wonderful Christmas or Hanukah or Ramadan (although probably a less wonderful one, since fasting all the time has to suck...although I don't know for sure that Ramadan is still going at this point) or just a good week off from school or work (hopefully).
The Ramblings will return in the new year (and good news, I'm working again, which will probably mean more frequent posting, since IÂll have little else to do), until then "'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'. That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie brown."
(And if you thought I was going to do a whole Christmas post without quoting A Charlie Brown Christmas, than you're nuts)
1. My aren't you quite the racist.
2. The line is "what's this we shit" not "what's this us shit"
3. This us shit is the introduction of a new character...persona...role (schizophrenic delusion that exists only in your mind -ed.)
Well there he is folks, Ed. Ed is not, as others have previously assumed, an editor of any sort, so sorry if you thought for a moment that the language on these things might be brought all the way to the seventh grade level or so.
And since this is a very special Christmas Rambling...err a very special Holiday Rambling...Seasonal Rambling...Wintertime Rambling...Rambling that is in no way associated with the birth of Christ, especially since all reliable historical evidence suggests that it would have been summer when he was born.
Anyway, since it's a special Rambling that happens to come near December 25th, I think we all know what the introduction of a new character means (the ramblings have jumped the shark? -ed.) No, it means that Ed will do something incredibly short-sighted and stupid that completely ruins the holiday (Long Island Egg Nog seemed like such a good idea at the time -ed.) and then we'll have to be worried that there won't be any Christmas...but wait! Scott Baio's here to save Christmas! (wow special guest star...we must have gotten a budget increase -ed.) (not really, I'm Scott Baio, I'm working for a can of cheese whiz and an old boot. What the fuck else do I have to do? It was either appear in this Rambling or spend Christmas with a hooker -Scott Baio) (we can't do both? -ed.)
You see kids, that's your brain on two weeks worth of finals and marketing projects. Now drugs don't look so bad do they? (I've got some H if you want any -Scott Baio) (now who's in charge Charles? The drugs are, that's who -ed.)
Anyway, before I get into my thoughts on the holiday season, I wanted to mention that I went to put air in my tire today and was met with a dreadful surprise. Air now costs 50 cents everywhere I went. What the fuck? It's air. I have to pay for air? Is there an air shortage driving prices up that I wasn't aware of? Keep in mind, it's not oxygen, you might have a hard time getting oxygen, it's FUCKING AIR.
Okay, enough Bah Humbugery for one X-mas post. Here are my X-mas thoughts for the day:
1. X-mas sounds like a way more badass holiday than Christmas. "What'd you get for Christmas Billy?" "I got an action figure." "What'd you get for X-mas Zebediah?" "I got a flame thrower." Notice that the child who celebrates X-mas not only got a better present, but a better name too. (plus he's amish apparently, so the flame thrower is a manual, not an automatic. Automatic flame throwers are for pussies -ed.)
2. I know I already mentioned this, but I think WNIC needs to cut back on how early they start the Christmas music. I love Christmas music (although I find the worst Christmas songs get played the most), but fucking hell people. You played Christmas music starting Nov 1. That means you played it for two whole months. That means 16% of what you played this year was Christmas music. Motherfucker.
3. Typing these on my parents' computer is really fucking annoying, because it keeps pausing so I don't see what I typed for like three seconds.
4. I hate to weigh in on the Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays debate, because the Daily Show has done so much material on it these past few weeks. But I do have this thought about it. I'm Christian...well I celebrate Christmas anyway...so this is total speculation (you're not Jewish? -ed.) No, I was baptized Catholic. (are you sure? You look pretty Jewish to me -ed.) No, I'm not sure; it's possible I am an Irish Jew. Of which there are zero. Anyway, I celebrate X-mas, so I can't be sure, but I think if I didn't that the phrase Happy Holidays would annoy me more than Merry Christmas.
Because while Merry Christmas could be interpreted to be this arrogant assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas, Happy Holidays seems worse to me. Because that phrase seems to suggest that your holidays are all basically the same as Christmas, so since they fall near it we'll just lump them all in together and act like they're a package deal. And my response to that would be "Fuck you, my holiday isn't some Christmas add-on".
Of course all that being said, anyone who gets offended when someone else wishes them (essentially) happiness and good cheer, whatever the words might be, has a lump of coal for a heart. So sucks to be them.
4. And last but not least, there was a comment in Lore Sjoberg's lorebrandcomics that I enjoyed and wanted to share. And the poll this thing refers to is an actual Newsweek poll. You can go check out the comic yourself (I recommend both the comics and the Book of Ratings both of which can be found at slumbering.lungfish.com) but the visuals are unimportant (just a dude standing there).
The text is as follows:
"A Newsweek poll found that 67 percent of all Americans believe in the virgin birth of Jesus and 82 percent believe that Jesus is the Son of God."
"..."
"So fifteen percent believe that God came down and fucked the living shit out of Mary."
And on that pleasant thought, I'll close this post. Have a wonderful Christmas or Hanukah or Ramadan (although probably a less wonderful one, since fasting all the time has to suck...although I don't know for sure that Ramadan is still going at this point) or just a good week off from school or work (hopefully).
The Ramblings will return in the new year (and good news, I'm working again, which will probably mean more frequent posting, since IÂll have little else to do), until then "'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'. That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie brown."
(And if you thought I was going to do a whole Christmas post without quoting A Charlie Brown Christmas, than you're nuts)
posted by drs at 1:41 PM
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