Montezuma's Revenge

I spend a lot of time making fun of Canada. Why? Because it's easy, that's why. For example, do you know why Canadians prefer to have sex from behind?

So they can both watch the hockey game. See? See how easy that was?

But in my single-minded obsession with mocking Canadians, I sometime lose the bigger picture. Indeed, there is a cornucopia of silly countries in the world, and they all deserve to be mocked.

And to find a country other than Canada that needs to be mocked, one need look no further than our other neighbor: Mexico.

For those who aren't aware (and that would probably be everyone) Mexico recently held elections. And, as this article explains, the loser of that election has, at the behest of supporters, installed himself as the head of a "parallel government".

This is allowed by an unusual provision in the Mexican Constitution, which allows for a parallel government, assuming two-thirds of all members of such an entity grow sufficiently full goatees. Mexican Law refers to this as the "James Tiberius Kirk Clause".

Of course, I think a parallel government makes good sense for Mexico. I've always been a firm believer that you can't have too much of a bad thing. And if one government can plunge Mexico into permanent economic destitution, imagine what two can do?

Does anyone else really hope that the President of Mexico and the President of Mexico (with a goatee) come together at a national press conference, only to sing "It Takes Two"?

And are there thousands of liberals all across the country right now, reading this and saying, "Wait, I didn't know that was an option. Fuck, we wasted all that time recounting votes, when we should have just made Al Gore start growing a goatee"?

In news from other silly countries, Sweden's just ousted the Social Democrats from power for the first time in over a decade, electing the "Alliance for Sweden". What does this mean for Sweden? It means movement towards a free-market society, and away from being the welfare, socialist state they've been forever. What does it mean for Americans? It means hippies suck, that's what it means.

Cause Sweden is really the last bastion of Socialism (or at least socialism that doesn't involve everyone but the government being poor as dirt). And if Sweden becomes Capitalist, I can finally sleep at night, knowing hippies will never get to take my shit away.

Unless of course the socialists all grow goatees.