Turkey Day

Well folks, it'll be Thanksgiving in just a couple of days, and you all know what that means, right?

(Oh God, tell me it doesn't mean another ridiculous "special holiday" post with a guest appearance by Scott Baio -ed.)

What's wrong with guest appearances by Scott Baio?

(They're retarded, that's what, no one wants to read another fucking Scott Baio post, not even Scott Baio -ed.)

(Tru dat. -Scott Baio)

Okay fine, no Scott Baio. But in that case I'm going to channel my inner alpha male and ramble about sports for a couple of hundred words. (Works for me -ed.)

Well, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if we didn't watch a Detroit Lions game while feeling completely apathetic about the outcome since they can't possibly make the playoffs and even if they manage to get a high draft pick, they'll just blow it on another wide receiver.

Actually, I'm excited about the draft. I think it's finally the right time for the Detroit Lions to draft their quarterback for the future. Brady Quinn you ask? No, fuck that Irish bastard (save during the game this Saturday...Go Irish!). I'm talking about MSU QB Drew Stanton.

Here's what Mel Kiper (ESPN's football draft guru for those of you who aren't big sports fans) has to say about Drew Stanton: Desire to win is unmatched and brings every intangible you want at the QB position.

And that can only mean one thing: Mel Kiper has started smoking crack. Either that or his hair gel has finally seeped through his skull. "Every intangible you want at the QB position"? What the fuck are you talking about Mel? Are you refering to how he never wins big games? (0-3 against Michigan). Or how about his incredibly poor decision making skills? (see the 2006 Notre Dame game). Or the fact that his team has folded every year after losing to Michigan? (a combined 3-13 over three years).

Drew Stanton is a gifted quarterback who gets your hopes up and then crushes them by making horrible decisions and fuck-ups.

And that's why it's a match made in heaven. Think about it. When the anti-mojo of the Detroit Lions is combined with the innate losing abilities of Drew Stanton, they will make a force so powerful it will be able to lose any game, no matter how big their lead. They'll find new unthought of ways to lose games. I marvel at the thought. A team of that caliber could score first in overtime and still lose.

Speaking of MSU, I want to toss in my two cents on their search for a new football coach. I fully endorse the idea being floated around that Izzo should coach the team. It's not like he has to actually call plays or anything, he just has to fire the team up at half time. Hell, he could probably keep coaching the basketball team and still do a better job than MSU's past football coaches.

But, the best sports news around revolves around a completely meaningless regular season NBA game. In a match-up between the Knicks and Houston Rockets, Yao Ming's shot was BLOCKED by Nate Robertson.

Now, for the record, Yao Ming measures at 7'5" (or maybe 7'6" depending on who you believe). So that's pretty damn impressive right there.

But those of you who follow the NBA know that it's even more impressive than that. Because Nate Robertson is just 5'9" tall. To give you some perspective, I'm 5'9" tall.

Well, 5'8".



Okay, okay, 5'7".

But still, the point holds that it's a pretty impressive sports play when you really...alright, you want the truth? FINE GODDAMMIT I'M ONLY 5'6"! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY?

(deep breaths dude -ed.)

Okay, you probably don't need any perspective to realize how ridiculous a 5'9" guy blocking a 7'5" guy is. I mean, that's a 20 inch difference. I have a friend who's about a foot taller than I am, and I have trouble carrying on a conversation with him. Meanwhile Nate is blocking shots from a guy over a foot and a half taller than him.

I'd link to a video clip of the block, but frankly I'm still bitter about being 5'6" and I don't really give a damn about helping you out.

Happy Thanksgiving.