The Return of Craigslist
As it turns out, I appear to be psychic. I realize that's a drastic claim, so let me put forth the evidence of my amazing predictive powers.
Probably around five years ago or so I made the following prediction: within the next decade we'll see nasal sex. My belief was based on the theory that sex had changed in nature over the years.
See, initially sex was just about procreation. Then, after cavemen began to grow increasingly bored with making new cavemen, sex changed. Over time, sex came to be about one all important goal: getting part of your body as far into another human beings body as possibly, through whatever orifice you can find (or, in some of the more disturbing cases, make).
When I predicted nasal sex, I realized that the possiblity of dick on nostril action was slim (and yes creating that mental image was absolutely necessary). So I figured sex would occur either through fingering of the nostril or possibly with the entrance of the tongue.
Really it seemed like only a matter of time. Well folks, wait no longer:
http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/jap-nose-fetish.html
That's video of a women experiencing what I can only describe as a nasal sex, complete with tongue penetration near the end. Bam. Told you so.
But, my amazing predictive powers aside, I've decided it's time for the return of an old friend: creepy craigslist casual sex posts. I know I said I was through, but people just keeping posting things too strange for me to pass up, so here we go:
Hi. I am a young straight white male college student. I am a Republican, and this November plan to vote with the party. That's right, DeVos, MCRI, the whole lot. That is, unless you change my mind.
I am looking for a sexually liberated Democratic lady who is interested in changing my mind. Just think, for one night of sex you can double your voting power. How Patriotic! It's practically your civic duty.
Hope to hear from you soon...
Chris
It's like a new political awareness campaign: Fuck the Vote. Here's my question, will the guy sign a contract? And is that contract legal or would this constitute prostitution?
Hello Ladies,
I am just looking for a cool girl who might be interested in trying out some foot fetish activities. I am a fit guy, 5'9 attractive and well endowed. I have had a fot fetish for sometime and would like to probably have a footjob. In return I hope I could realize fantasies you might have. I am not looking for pros at this time, just for a girl who is curious and wouldnt mind doing it. Thanks
That's right, professional foot-jobbers need not apply.
Looking for woman.women, interested in kicking me in the balls. Its a fetish, kinda, but also something I wold like to test my strength in. No pros, no pay, just for fun. Looking for girls curious into it, want to do it or just wanna take their anger out on men. Any takers?
Umm, exsqueeze me? You want a girl to kick you in the balls? Why the fuck would anyone want that? Plus, what does it matter if it's a girl? Side-story, today after taking a leak, I zipped prematurely and caught myself with my zipper. In case you're curious, at no point did I think: "I wish a girl was doing this to me." What I did think was:
OWWWWWWWW! FUCKING HELL!!! JESUS MARY MOTHER OF FUCKING CHRIST!!
(whimper)
Or something like that. I may have blacked out for a moment. Moving on:
For those women who are seeking a man who is thoughtful, articulate, and romantic; I can meet your every expectation. I have a strong desire to experience intimacy, and would have no trouble doing so were it not for my physical disability. Therefore, as quadriplegia has not robbed me of my ability to feel pleasure, nor compromised my libido, I am seeking opportunities for assisted ecstasy.
Please do not be disillusioned by the myth that disabled people are asexual beings. To begin, while I can still function sexually, I have had relatively few encounters and am completely free from disease. Indeed, my desire to express myself sensually, albeit unrequited, is just as compelling as that of any other adult. Rather, it is limited only by the physical reality of my disability.
I know how and where to touch a woman, but am unable to do so without help from another person. Consequently, I hope to find a couple of women who are willing to help me pleasure each other. I have every move choreographed in my mind, but am looking for someone to help me carry out the dance. No games, no tricks, no strings attached.
Okay, I don't want to make fun of a quadriplegic, but I do have one question: How did he type this?
Any guys want to invite me over to watch the Tiger game tonight? I'll suck you off as long as I can stay for the whole game. 5-11, 180 lb white male. Reply with age, height, weight, cock size.
Dude, it's called a sports bar. They won't even ask you for a handjob.
sub bi male iso married cpls, will service hubby for the privledge of sniffing his wife's nyloned feet/toes!
Sir, you need to learn to bargain a little more. I don't know what the going rate for a blowjob from another dude is, but I'd bet it's more than just sniffing some toes. At least ask to suck them or something. Remember: the worst they can do is say no.
I am looking for a college girl that would like some help in paying for college, books and and tuition. No obligation to do anything, just to be honest and upfront. I'd like to meet in a discreet and safe environment for some discreet and pasional mutually beneficial fun. I am educated, well traveled, pasional. If interesed , drop me an e-mail with a pic.
READ: Have you always dreamed of being a prostitute?
I am looking to receive a great blow job. It has been years since I have had one and I need a good one now, no strings attached.
You must be a non-smoker, attractive (picture helpful), disease and drug free.
Okay, I realize that people who post these things are not like me, so I shouldn't be surprised when they think differently than I do, but I don't get this type of ad (and there are a lot of them). Does this guy think there are hundreds of ladies just sitting around wishing they could find a guy who wanted a blowjob? I'm just guessing this, but I'm predicting that the fellitiophiles are all aware that ANY RANDOM GUY ON THE STREET IS HAPPY TO RECEIVE A BLOWJOB. They probably aren't patrolling the internet in a desperate search to find someone to blow.
Here's some advice: offer the ladies something. They might be more interested in an ad like this:
Handsome 40 yr old white male looking for woman who needs a great pussy licking. Just lay back, spread your legs (or sit on my face, however you like it) and enjoy! No reciprocation required. Your pleasure is my reward.
See, that's an ad that a woman might take interest in. I'm sure that in reality the guy is just hoping the woman gets turned on enough to blow him, but he's at least working the right angles.
Incest Roleplay... Mother/Son, Bro/Sis - m4w - 18
I think the title says enough about that one...eww eww eww eww.
And now, my new favorite Craigslist posting ever:
Okay, time to vent! I have answered several posts over the last 6 months and had no luck as most ended up being bots or webcams or professionals, etc. So recently, I decided to post my own ad. First, I was completely shocked by how many auto bot responses I received to my ad-- I figured by posting my own ad, I would not have to deal with these annoying "professionals." WRONG! Second, for some reason, while my ad was posted as a M4W ad, I received significantly more responses from men than women!!! Lastly, there was absolutely nothing in my ad (see copy below) objectionable or offensive and yet I received a message today that it was flagged multiple times and was removed from CL. Anyone have any idea why?
In response to my ad, I did receive several testimonials from people on how great CL worked for them. However, my experience here has been frustrating.
PS. If anyone (FEMALE!)likes the ad below, feel free to respond!
Seriously, what is wrong with people today? What's our great nation coming to when people can't put ads for completely casual sex online where anyone can read them without getting responses from perverts?
Probably around five years ago or so I made the following prediction: within the next decade we'll see nasal sex. My belief was based on the theory that sex had changed in nature over the years.
See, initially sex was just about procreation. Then, after cavemen began to grow increasingly bored with making new cavemen, sex changed. Over time, sex came to be about one all important goal: getting part of your body as far into another human beings body as possibly, through whatever orifice you can find (or, in some of the more disturbing cases, make).
When I predicted nasal sex, I realized that the possiblity of dick on nostril action was slim (and yes creating that mental image was absolutely necessary). So I figured sex would occur either through fingering of the nostril or possibly with the entrance of the tongue.
Really it seemed like only a matter of time. Well folks, wait no longer:
http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/jap-nose-fetish.html
That's video of a women experiencing what I can only describe as a nasal sex, complete with tongue penetration near the end. Bam. Told you so.
But, my amazing predictive powers aside, I've decided it's time for the return of an old friend: creepy craigslist casual sex posts. I know I said I was through, but people just keeping posting things too strange for me to pass up, so here we go:
Hi. I am a young straight white male college student. I am a Republican, and this November plan to vote with the party. That's right, DeVos, MCRI, the whole lot. That is, unless you change my mind.
I am looking for a sexually liberated Democratic lady who is interested in changing my mind. Just think, for one night of sex you can double your voting power. How Patriotic! It's practically your civic duty.
Hope to hear from you soon...
Chris
It's like a new political awareness campaign: Fuck the Vote. Here's my question, will the guy sign a contract? And is that contract legal or would this constitute prostitution?
Hello Ladies,
I am just looking for a cool girl who might be interested in trying out some foot fetish activities. I am a fit guy, 5'9 attractive and well endowed. I have had a fot fetish for sometime and would like to probably have a footjob. In return I hope I could realize fantasies you might have. I am not looking for pros at this time, just for a girl who is curious and wouldnt mind doing it. Thanks
That's right, professional foot-jobbers need not apply.
Looking for woman.women, interested in kicking me in the balls. Its a fetish, kinda, but also something I wold like to test my strength in. No pros, no pay, just for fun. Looking for girls curious into it, want to do it or just wanna take their anger out on men. Any takers?
Umm, exsqueeze me? You want a girl to kick you in the balls? Why the fuck would anyone want that? Plus, what does it matter if it's a girl? Side-story, today after taking a leak, I zipped prematurely and caught myself with my zipper. In case you're curious, at no point did I think: "I wish a girl was doing this to me." What I did think was:
OWWWWWWWW! FUCKING HELL!!! JESUS MARY MOTHER OF FUCKING CHRIST!!
(whimper)
Or something like that. I may have blacked out for a moment. Moving on:
For those women who are seeking a man who is thoughtful, articulate, and romantic; I can meet your every expectation. I have a strong desire to experience intimacy, and would have no trouble doing so were it not for my physical disability. Therefore, as quadriplegia has not robbed me of my ability to feel pleasure, nor compromised my libido, I am seeking opportunities for assisted ecstasy.
Please do not be disillusioned by the myth that disabled people are asexual beings. To begin, while I can still function sexually, I have had relatively few encounters and am completely free from disease. Indeed, my desire to express myself sensually, albeit unrequited, is just as compelling as that of any other adult. Rather, it is limited only by the physical reality of my disability.
I know how and where to touch a woman, but am unable to do so without help from another person. Consequently, I hope to find a couple of women who are willing to help me pleasure each other. I have every move choreographed in my mind, but am looking for someone to help me carry out the dance. No games, no tricks, no strings attached.
Okay, I don't want to make fun of a quadriplegic, but I do have one question: How did he type this?
Any guys want to invite me over to watch the Tiger game tonight? I'll suck you off as long as I can stay for the whole game. 5-11, 180 lb white male. Reply with age, height, weight, cock size.
Dude, it's called a sports bar. They won't even ask you for a handjob.
sub bi male iso married cpls, will service hubby for the privledge of sniffing his wife's nyloned feet/toes!
Sir, you need to learn to bargain a little more. I don't know what the going rate for a blowjob from another dude is, but I'd bet it's more than just sniffing some toes. At least ask to suck them or something. Remember: the worst they can do is say no.
I am looking for a college girl that would like some help in paying for college, books and and tuition. No obligation to do anything, just to be honest and upfront. I'd like to meet in a discreet and safe environment for some discreet and pasional mutually beneficial fun. I am educated, well traveled, pasional. If interesed , drop me an e-mail with a pic.
READ: Have you always dreamed of being a prostitute?
I am looking to receive a great blow job. It has been years since I have had one and I need a good one now, no strings attached.
You must be a non-smoker, attractive (picture helpful), disease and drug free.
Okay, I realize that people who post these things are not like me, so I shouldn't be surprised when they think differently than I do, but I don't get this type of ad (and there are a lot of them). Does this guy think there are hundreds of ladies just sitting around wishing they could find a guy who wanted a blowjob? I'm just guessing this, but I'm predicting that the fellitiophiles are all aware that ANY RANDOM GUY ON THE STREET IS HAPPY TO RECEIVE A BLOWJOB. They probably aren't patrolling the internet in a desperate search to find someone to blow.
Here's some advice: offer the ladies something. They might be more interested in an ad like this:
Handsome 40 yr old white male looking for woman who needs a great pussy licking. Just lay back, spread your legs (or sit on my face, however you like it) and enjoy! No reciprocation required. Your pleasure is my reward.
See, that's an ad that a woman might take interest in. I'm sure that in reality the guy is just hoping the woman gets turned on enough to blow him, but he's at least working the right angles.
Incest Roleplay... Mother/Son, Bro/Sis - m4w - 18
I think the title says enough about that one...eww eww eww eww.
And now, my new favorite Craigslist posting ever:
Okay, time to vent! I have answered several posts over the last 6 months and had no luck as most ended up being bots or webcams or professionals, etc. So recently, I decided to post my own ad. First, I was completely shocked by how many auto bot responses I received to my ad-- I figured by posting my own ad, I would not have to deal with these annoying "professionals." WRONG! Second, for some reason, while my ad was posted as a M4W ad, I received significantly more responses from men than women!!! Lastly, there was absolutely nothing in my ad (see copy below) objectionable or offensive and yet I received a message today that it was flagged multiple times and was removed from CL. Anyone have any idea why?
In response to my ad, I did receive several testimonials from people on how great CL worked for them. However, my experience here has been frustrating.
PS. If anyone (FEMALE!)likes the ad below, feel free to respond!
Seriously, what is wrong with people today? What's our great nation coming to when people can't put ads for completely casual sex online where anyone can read them without getting responses from perverts?
posted by drs at 3:17 PM
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