Ode to a Facebook
Facebook: It's like crack for dorky college students...except you don't have to suck anyone's cock to get it.
Man, that should be their motto shouldn't it? For those who aren't currently in college (and/or those who have better things to do with their time than explicitly type out how they met every single one of their friends), let me give you a very brief explanation of facebook. Imagine your typical "freshman facebook" filled with profiles of all the students at your college. Now link that facebook with all the other facebooks of every college you can think of. Now replace every third profile with a fake profile of John Stamos, or the Pope, or the Bubonic Plague or facebook.com itself (my personal favorite, the picture is a picture of the profile, and the picture in the profile in the picture is of the profile in the picture. It's all very heady). Next, have people scribble "virtual graffiti" on their friends' profiles, composed primarily of stupid chain letters. Finally, have people release far too much personal information to the web community at large, while at the same time affiliating themselves with groups proclaiming one of their fellow students has a nice ass.
And that's facebook. Now you might think from the description that I think facebook is stupid, but I most certainly do not. I think it's a virus sent here from an alien planet intent on destroying the productivity of my generation, make us ripe for conquering in 20 years.
Seriously, I realize that this sounds bizarre to anyone who isn't on facebook (read: "a member of our glorious cult"), but it's the most freaking addicting website since dolphinsex.org.
I can't explain it, but I incessantly need to know anytime any one of my friends changes the slightest detail in their profile. I assume the website is designed to release a special pheromone from your computer while you check it.
Anyway, allow me, for a moment to explain several features of Facebook that I think puts it head and shoulders above the livejournals and myspaces of the world.
(1) While viewing someone's profile the header bar states "John Doe's Profile". When the profile you view is your own, it reads the as follows: "John Doe's Profile (This is you)". Or at least it would if your name was John Doe, which unless your parents hate you, it probably isn't.
Frankly, I find this to be about the most comforting thing I can imagine. It's possible I've mentioned this before in the blog, if so I apologize, but I just find it delightful. In this crazy world, where you never know if you're coming or going, and half the time you feel like you have no idea who you are, you can always check facebook. There you can view a webpage that lists you as a member of "People who Remember Tori from Saved by the Bell" and think to yourself, "yeah, that is me, isn't it?"
(2) The fact that Political Views is listed before all personal information except relationship status. I find this amusing for two reasons: First, given the number of people from my age group who actually bother to vote, I think it's fair to say, albeit intensely depressing, that most of my peers have stronger opinions on "Favorite Music" than "Political Views". Of course the reason politics is given such prominence is that the dorky people from Harvard who run the site probably view it as really important. Secondly, however, even they couldn't find it in themselves to elevate it above RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
It brings to mind a scene form the Tao of Steve (if you haven't seen it I recommend it) in which the main character argues that romantic love is the official religion of America. I don't want to get into that (since I won't do the scene justice), but I think he's got a point, and I think the fact that one of the first pieces of info a site like Facebook asks for is your relationship status speaks to that point.
(3) And speaking of the relationship status, I went to change mine today, and thought to myself that I had no idea what I wanted to change it to. I was going to simply leave it blank, but then I found that facebook has precisely the option I wanted. Under relationship status you can choose: Single, In a Relationship, In an open relationship, engaged, married or It's Complicated.
And I'd like to thank the facebook (and yes when I think of thanking the facebook I think of thanking an amorphous concept of facebook.com, and not the actual people who created the site) for acknowledging that for many of us (if not most), our relationship status doesn't really fit in a little box.
In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't just all choose one of three options: "single, married, It's complicated".
Okay, before I close off this post, I'd just like to comment that the spell checker on the blogging site I'm using here doesn't recognize "blog" as a word. And that amuses me greatly.
Man, that should be their motto shouldn't it? For those who aren't currently in college (and/or those who have better things to do with their time than explicitly type out how they met every single one of their friends), let me give you a very brief explanation of facebook. Imagine your typical "freshman facebook" filled with profiles of all the students at your college. Now link that facebook with all the other facebooks of every college you can think of. Now replace every third profile with a fake profile of John Stamos, or the Pope, or the Bubonic Plague or facebook.com itself (my personal favorite, the picture is a picture of the profile, and the picture in the profile in the picture is of the profile in the picture. It's all very heady). Next, have people scribble "virtual graffiti" on their friends' profiles, composed primarily of stupid chain letters. Finally, have people release far too much personal information to the web community at large, while at the same time affiliating themselves with groups proclaiming one of their fellow students has a nice ass.
And that's facebook. Now you might think from the description that I think facebook is stupid, but I most certainly do not. I think it's a virus sent here from an alien planet intent on destroying the productivity of my generation, make us ripe for conquering in 20 years.
Seriously, I realize that this sounds bizarre to anyone who isn't on facebook (read: "a member of our glorious cult"), but it's the most freaking addicting website since dolphinsex.org.
I can't explain it, but I incessantly need to know anytime any one of my friends changes the slightest detail in their profile. I assume the website is designed to release a special pheromone from your computer while you check it.
Anyway, allow me, for a moment to explain several features of Facebook that I think puts it head and shoulders above the livejournals and myspaces of the world.
(1) While viewing someone's profile the header bar states "John Doe's Profile". When the profile you view is your own, it reads the as follows: "John Doe's Profile (This is you)". Or at least it would if your name was John Doe, which unless your parents hate you, it probably isn't.
Frankly, I find this to be about the most comforting thing I can imagine. It's possible I've mentioned this before in the blog, if so I apologize, but I just find it delightful. In this crazy world, where you never know if you're coming or going, and half the time you feel like you have no idea who you are, you can always check facebook. There you can view a webpage that lists you as a member of "People who Remember Tori from Saved by the Bell" and think to yourself, "yeah, that is me, isn't it?"
(2) The fact that Political Views is listed before all personal information except relationship status. I find this amusing for two reasons: First, given the number of people from my age group who actually bother to vote, I think it's fair to say, albeit intensely depressing, that most of my peers have stronger opinions on "Favorite Music" than "Political Views". Of course the reason politics is given such prominence is that the dorky people from Harvard who run the site probably view it as really important. Secondly, however, even they couldn't find it in themselves to elevate it above RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
It brings to mind a scene form the Tao of Steve (if you haven't seen it I recommend it) in which the main character argues that romantic love is the official religion of America. I don't want to get into that (since I won't do the scene justice), but I think he's got a point, and I think the fact that one of the first pieces of info a site like Facebook asks for is your relationship status speaks to that point.
(3) And speaking of the relationship status, I went to change mine today, and thought to myself that I had no idea what I wanted to change it to. I was going to simply leave it blank, but then I found that facebook has precisely the option I wanted. Under relationship status you can choose: Single, In a Relationship, In an open relationship, engaged, married or It's Complicated.
And I'd like to thank the facebook (and yes when I think of thanking the facebook I think of thanking an amorphous concept of facebook.com, and not the actual people who created the site) for acknowledging that for many of us (if not most), our relationship status doesn't really fit in a little box.
In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't just all choose one of three options: "single, married, It's complicated".
Okay, before I close off this post, I'd just like to comment that the spell checker on the blogging site I'm using here doesn't recognize "blog" as a word. And that amuses me greatly.
posted by drs at 8:23 AM
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