Isiah Thomas: Making Sports Fans Everywhere Ask, "Hey, Why Can't I Run the Knicks (into the ground)?"
Man, punning in the title. That's just a great start.
Anyway, for those who haven't heard the news yet, ESPN.com's rumor mill is reporting that the Knicks are trying to get the Magic to trade them Steve Francis. And I quote: "The Knicks believe Francis and Stephon Marbury can play together in the backcourt."
Now for those of you who can name all of 6 players who aren't on the Pistons (and three of them are named "Shaq"...get it? Because he's very, very fat, you see), the names Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury may not mean very much to you, so let me try and make it clear to you, through comparison to my beloved Pistons.
You know that "Team-First" attitude everyone loves about the Pistons? How they look for the pass first and shoot second? How individual stats and playing time and shots taken don't bother them? How they just care about winning?
Well you could think of Francis and Marbury as the anti-Pistons. It's not so much that these guys have never seen a shot they didn't like, as that they've never seen a shot they wouldn't be willing beat the shit out of Channing Frye to take.
Now let me preface ripping on Isiah Thomas as the worst GM since...since...does somebody actually GM the Washington Generals? Anyway, let me preface that by saying that maybe tomorrow it'll turn out that the Knicks actually plan on shipping out Marbury for some picks and just swap one shoot-first-ball-hog 1-guard that Larry Brown hates for another shoot-first-ball-hog 1-guard that Larry Brown will hate. Or maybe Isiah's evil twin is running the Orlando Magic secretly and they're going to give away Francis for Jalen Rose and some sexual harrassment legislation.
But at the moment I'm operating under the following two assumptions: (1) Isiah actually believes that Francis and Marbury can play together and (2) the Knicks are going to have to part with either young talent, prospects, or some nice expiring contracts to get him.
Assuming those are true, then let me be clear: This is the worst idea in the history of sports. This is a worse idea than the White Sox taking money to throw World Series games. This is a worse idea than the NHL players thinking the owners would blink first. This is a worse idea than Tonya Harding having Nancy Kerrigan's knee taken out even though she would've needed to knock off about three dozen olympians plus the entire cast of Disney on Ice and whatever former ice skater happened to be announcing that night before she could have won a medal.
If Bill Belichick decided that Tom Brady was a pretty boy who got too much credit, and that he could win with any QB, so he traded for Joey Harrington and cut TB? That'd be a better idea than the Knicks playing Francis and Marbury.
If the Portland Trail Blazers had known in 1984 how good Jordan would end up being, and they had still taken Sam Bowie over him? That would be a better idea than the Knicks playing Francis and Marbury.
But why limit ourself to sports? Letting Hitler annex Czechoslovakia? Better idea than this trade. Going hunting with Dick Cheney? Better idea than this trade.
Seriously, though, I almost hope they make this trade. A lot of hypothetical questions could be answered. For example: has a backcourt duo ever taken 100% of their team's shots? Has a 2-guard ever punched his point guard in the face, and stolen the ball from him because he was only getting 30 shots a game? Can a team average 0 assists for an entire season? How many possesions could they go without letting their frontcourt touch the ball? How many players would opposing teams have to put on Francis and Marbury before they decided to pass the ball? How high can Larry's blood pressure get before his head literally explodes? And when it does, will he be more or less boring in the post-game press conference?
And, as NBA fans are asking themselves more and more often, would a monkey with autism be better GM than Isiah Thomas?
Anyway, for those who haven't heard the news yet, ESPN.com's rumor mill is reporting that the Knicks are trying to get the Magic to trade them Steve Francis. And I quote: "The Knicks believe Francis and Stephon Marbury can play together in the backcourt."
Now for those of you who can name all of 6 players who aren't on the Pistons (and three of them are named "Shaq"...get it? Because he's very, very fat, you see), the names Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury may not mean very much to you, so let me try and make it clear to you, through comparison to my beloved Pistons.
You know that "Team-First" attitude everyone loves about the Pistons? How they look for the pass first and shoot second? How individual stats and playing time and shots taken don't bother them? How they just care about winning?
Well you could think of Francis and Marbury as the anti-Pistons. It's not so much that these guys have never seen a shot they didn't like, as that they've never seen a shot they wouldn't be willing beat the shit out of Channing Frye to take.
Now let me preface ripping on Isiah Thomas as the worst GM since...since...does somebody actually GM the Washington Generals? Anyway, let me preface that by saying that maybe tomorrow it'll turn out that the Knicks actually plan on shipping out Marbury for some picks and just swap one shoot-first-ball-hog 1-guard that Larry Brown hates for another shoot-first-ball-hog 1-guard that Larry Brown will hate. Or maybe Isiah's evil twin is running the Orlando Magic secretly and they're going to give away Francis for Jalen Rose and some sexual harrassment legislation.
But at the moment I'm operating under the following two assumptions: (1) Isiah actually believes that Francis and Marbury can play together and (2) the Knicks are going to have to part with either young talent, prospects, or some nice expiring contracts to get him.
Assuming those are true, then let me be clear: This is the worst idea in the history of sports. This is a worse idea than the White Sox taking money to throw World Series games. This is a worse idea than the NHL players thinking the owners would blink first. This is a worse idea than Tonya Harding having Nancy Kerrigan's knee taken out even though she would've needed to knock off about three dozen olympians plus the entire cast of Disney on Ice and whatever former ice skater happened to be announcing that night before she could have won a medal.
If Bill Belichick decided that Tom Brady was a pretty boy who got too much credit, and that he could win with any QB, so he traded for Joey Harrington and cut TB? That'd be a better idea than the Knicks playing Francis and Marbury.
If the Portland Trail Blazers had known in 1984 how good Jordan would end up being, and they had still taken Sam Bowie over him? That would be a better idea than the Knicks playing Francis and Marbury.
But why limit ourself to sports? Letting Hitler annex Czechoslovakia? Better idea than this trade. Going hunting with Dick Cheney? Better idea than this trade.
Seriously, though, I almost hope they make this trade. A lot of hypothetical questions could be answered. For example: has a backcourt duo ever taken 100% of their team's shots? Has a 2-guard ever punched his point guard in the face, and stolen the ball from him because he was only getting 30 shots a game? Can a team average 0 assists for an entire season? How many possesions could they go without letting their frontcourt touch the ball? How many players would opposing teams have to put on Francis and Marbury before they decided to pass the ball? How high can Larry's blood pressure get before his head literally explodes? And when it does, will he be more or less boring in the post-game press conference?
And, as NBA fans are asking themselves more and more often, would a monkey with autism be better GM than Isiah Thomas?
posted by drs at 3:28 PM
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