Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Pissing and Pledging

I tend to try to stay away from "personal narratives" in the blog here, but I'm about to violate that rule for the second time in as many weeks. Oh well.

Today I was sitting in a public restroom stall, doing my business, when a man entered the stall next to me. He proceeded to, as I like to call it, "torrentially urinate". I'm sure all the guys are familiar with this type of urination, when rather than a crisp ring of porcelain, you hear what sounds like a monsoon coming out of the fellow. This is the sort of peeing that makes you fear that a great dam has burst, and the entire bathroom may flood.

I'm not sure if ladies have similar experiences or not, and I don't want to know.

Anyway, the fact that he was torrentially urinating was distracting, but not that interesting in itself. What I found strange was that the flow stopped after maybe two and a half seconds. Seriously. And it didn't start up again either. It was like a thunderstorm broke, it poured for an instant, and then the sun started shining again. I was remarkably confused. (Plus I felt bad for the guy, because that sort of piss can't be anywhere near as satisfying as a long-drawn out stream... more on the joys of peeing.

I'd also like to voice my concern over the growing number of gentlemen who seem very comfortable chatting in the men's room. Not cool. The only circumstance under which bathroom discussions are allowed are (a)when intoxicated or (b)after a sporting event. Except for these two, it's simply not acceptable.

Okay, on to actual news in the world, Nancy Pelosi (she's the new Speaker of the House for those who don't follow such things), pledged today that she would be protecting the House Pages, in response to the Foley scandal and the Republicans having covered it up.

This, more than anything I've ever seen, speaks to just how little we now expect from politicians. The woman is making a specific pledge that she won't tolerate child molestation. Is this really something that needs to be said? Shouldn't we be able to assume that "anti-child molestation" is the stance that everyone we vote for is taking?

I'm imagining the possiblity of the Democrats taking the White House in 2008 and keeping up with this strategy. Will the President-Elect make a pledge not to get us involved in unneccessary foreign wars/condone torture of prisoners/mispronounce things constantly?

And that wouldn't be half as good as the Veep's pledge not to shoot friends in the face.

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