Al Gore is Still Creepy

So it's been a while since I've updated the blog, sorry about that. In my defense, I was half away around the world for a little while, and after that I didn't seem very funny for the last week.

Anyway, yesterday the head of NASA said in an interview that global warming wasn't really a problem. And I quote, "I have no doubt that global -- that a trend of global warming exists... I am not sure that it is fair to say that is a problem we must wrestle with... I guess I would ask which human beings, where and when, are to be accorded the privilege of deciding that this particular climate that we have right here today, right now, is the best climate for all other human beings. I think that's a rather arrogant position for people to take."

And you know what, he's right. Who are we to decide that just because the temperature is increasing a few degrees that's necessarily a bad thing? Who are we to say that the icecaps melting is always bad? Maybe all those islanders living in the Pacific would prefer to live in the Pacific sans islands. It would certainly make maps easier to draw.

How culturally arrogant of us to assume these people would prefer to have a place to live. Maybe they like swimming...a lot. But here comes our American ignorance again, just assuming they don't want to drown and die.

Plus you have to consider the upsides of Global Warming. I already commented on how map costs would go down a bunch. Also anyone who owns property in Central Pennsylvania would do quite well for themselves once it became oceanfront. Plus, when Florida is covered by the Atlantic, the Social Security problem will pretty much go away. So that's nice. Also, since Hong Kong and the areas surround would be completely submerged, China's upcoming economy would take a huge hit, which would help us out a lot. Of course, NYC might be underwater too, and I suppose that might be a problem. Oh and London might be underwater as well. But NYC, London and Hong Kong aren't really very important cities in the global economy, right?

Anyway, I suppose my point is this: no matter how much the global warming discussion takes center stage, no matter how much charisma he has gained, Al Gore is still really fucking creepy.

It Ain't Just a River in Egypt...

As most of you should know, the NFL Draft was this past weekend. I missed a substantial amount of the draft due to various graduation nonsense, but I was there for the single worst moment of my life as a Detroit Lions fan.

I saw it coming too. As soon as Atlanta traded for the 41st pick I knew it. At first it simply occurred to me that neither they nor the next team would be taking a quarterback. And we were sitting at 43.

Then I remembered who was on the board. I tried to tell myself it wasn't going to happen, but deep inside, I knew it was true.

Then I saw it: "Current Selection - Detroit Lions - Drew Stanton"

And that was when I crawled into the fetal position in the corner and started crying. Why God? Why?

But, like any good Lions fan, I immediately started manufacturing the denial. Hey, maybe all those horrible decisions weren't his fault. Maybe it was his godawful coach. Or his shitty offensive line. Or the general losing culture of MSU football. Maybe he'll be good. Maybe he'll be great. Maybe Drew Stanton is exactly what the Detroit Lions need to turn themselves around.

In case you're curious, I've never felt more pathetic than I do right now. Trying to pretend to be excited about the Drew Stanton era. Well, on the plus side, this will give us plenty of top 5 picks to spend on more wide receivers.

In other, less depressing news, I was listening to 96.3 the other day. For those who don't listen to 96.3 regularly this is there station concept: "All the hits, with none of the rap." So whenever they go to commercial and do a station identification, they play something along those lines.

I always found it a little strange, but whatever. I suppose a lot of people don't like rap, so it makes sense to advertise that. But this was there most recent station identification:

(Plays a rap song) "Their rims are spinning and it makes my head spin! 96.3 all the hits, with none of the rap."

I'm really hoping there next one goes like this: "Do you hate black people? 96.3 all the hits, none of the negros."

Oh also, this Thursday is the first Republican debate of the primary season. So if you want to get an early look at the next President of the United States, check out the debates.

DayQuil Rules

Apparently a new blood test that screens for EPCA-2 could soon replace the standard PSA test for prostate cancer. You can read about it here: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=3079649&page=1

According to the article, this new test seems to create fewer false positives, while also catching a higher percentage of cases, even in the earliest stages of the cancer, blah blah specificity of tests blah blah medical jargon blah blah blah.

Unfortuantely the article doesn't answer the only question I actually have about the test: does it involve the doctor sticking his hand in my ass? Because I have been worried about my physician sticking his fingers in my sphincter since I turned 16 (neurotic much? -ed).

Look, I'm all for catching cancer cases early on and saving lives and all that jazz. And if that means getting my pooper scoped out every year, than that's how I'll roll. But if the medical community can test for prostate cancer just by taking some blood, that's the best news since they put DayQuil into pill form.

In other science news, Stephen Hawking took a ride on a Zero-G plane. Which is cool. I feel like there should be a weightless parapalegic pun to make... but I'm either not clever enough or not evil enough to come up with it. Not sure which.

And of course last night was the first of many many debates in the 2008 primary season. I came very close to orgasming part way through. I'm just saying, Joe Biden is a very attractive man. I tell you what always depresses me about primary season though, is seeing Dennis Kucinich in the debates. Cause everybody rips on Kucinich because he's so short. More than once I've heard him referred to as "munchkin-like". Kucinich is 5'7". I'm 5'6". Although, in my defense, I'm much less creepy than him.